Dr. Rodney Plunket

Weeping with Tamar

There are two stories in the Bible which have to do with two different women both of whom have the name Tamar. The first story is found in Genesis 38, and it is the story of the Tamar who marries the oldest son of Judah. Now Judah was one of the twelve sons of Jacob, and Jacob was the grandson of Abraham. But Judah’s eldest son "was wicked in the sight of the Lord, and the Lord put him to death" (Genesis 38:7). The law at the time was that when a widow was left childless the next oldest brother was to take that widow and to have children with her, but the children would not be considered his. They would be considered the children of the brother who had died. So Tamar was given to the second son of Judah. He also was wicked in that he was unwilling to have children by Tamar because he "knew that the offspring would not be his" (Genesis 38:9). Genesis 38:10 tells us that "What [this second son] did was displeasing in the sight of the Lord, and he put him to death also /P>

Tamar should have received Judah’s youngest son after the death of her second husband, because she was still childless. But Judah feared to do that, because he thought it likely that Tamar was the real reason that his first two sons had died. He did not want to lose his last remaining son. So he kept putting Tamar off, claiming that his remaining son was not yet old enough to marry. Tamar eventually realized that Judah was never going to give her his third son to marry.

Now, let’s put ourselves in Tamar’s shoes. She lived in a time when widows, especially childless widows, were extremely vulnerable. A woman depended upon her children, especially her sons, to look after her in her old age. Without that she was often subjected to devastating oppression by men whose main attributes were power and greed. It was not uncommon for everything she had to be taken from her. As a result, childless widows often died prematurely in a state of homeless poverty and hunger.

Tamar did not want that to happen. So she tricked Judah into impregnating her. Not knowing that he was the cause, Judah reacted harshly when he learned that Tamar was pregnant. He ordered that she be burned for her sin. It was then that Tamar presented proof that Judah was the father, and he realized that he had sinned against her. He said, "She is more in the right than I, since I did not give her to my son Shelah" (Genesis 38:26).

Tamar had twin sons who, along with Judah’s son, Shelah, were the men from whom all the tribe of Judah came. And the tribe of Judah is the tribe that gave us King David and Jesus, the Son of God.

Notice that the text and Judah side with Tamar in this incident. She committed adultery. She deceived her father-in-law. But, because Judah had mistakenly ascribed guilt to her and was forcing her into a life of extreme vulnerability, her extreme measures were not punished. In fact, her name is actually listed in the genealogy of Jesus in Matthew 1:3. And only four women are mentioned by name in Matthew’s genealogical list.

The text and Judah wept, so to speak, with Tamar. Her pain is felt. Her agony and hopelessness are given credence. Judah repents of his sin against her, and becomes a much stronger character from this point on in the story. God’s Word sides with the mistreated woman in a story complicated by deceit and sexual immorality.

The second Tamar story reports a series of events during the time of King David. David had many wives and many children. The first child born to him was a son named Amnon. Later, another one of David’s wives had a son named Absalom and a daughter named Tamar. Tamar was a beautiful girl, and Amnon was powerfully attracted to his half-sister. He pretended to be ill and asked King David to send Tamar to cook for him and to feed him. David did so, and Amnon raped Tamar. David did not respond well at all to the wicked act that his firstborn son had committed. Tamar’s full brother, Absalom, eventually took matters into his own hands and had Amnon murdered two years later. Eventually, Absalom had a beautiful daughter of his own whom he named Tamar; but the negative dynamic created by the rape of his sister seems to have permanently embittered Absalom against his father. Absalom later led a rebellion against King David and, for a time, sat on David’s throne. Finally Absalom was killed, and reign was restored. But the pain and upheaval that David and the kingdom went through were intense. This story presents domestic violence against a woman in an extremely negative light.

Moving to the NT we see the way that Jesus treats women and children, and He reveals a profound appreciation for both. Jesus even says that his disciples must become like children (Matthew 18:3); and there were women among Jesus’ disciples; and, according to Mark 15:40-41, some of those women "provided for [Jesus]."

In Ephesians 5:25, the apostle Paul tells husbands to "love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." Christ did not love the church by abusing or mistreating or battering it. Christ loved the church by accepting the punishment that we deserve so that He could redeem us from the curse of sin. Paul addresses the way fathers should relate to their children in Colossians 3:21 when he says, "Fathers, do not provoke your children, or they may lose heart."

In John 13:34-35 Jesus says,

This passage makes no mention of women or children. It is to apply to anyone in the Body of Christ. And I am always dubious about only applying it to fellow believers, because that is the same kind of thinking that caused the Jews to decide that only their fellow Jews were their neighbors––an interpretive move that Jesus clearly opposed. But the point I would like to make is that surely we are to love our children and our spouses as Christ loves us. That is the way we show that the love of Christ has won our hearts and is shaping our behavior. Battering and abusing are not the methods Jesus used to bring us to the Father.

Many of you know that there was a special effort yesterday relative to battered women. Some of you will know that April, next month, is nationally focused upon abused children. These are issues about which the church cannot be silent.

Every year 2,000 to 4,000 women are beaten to death by a spouse or a lover. And sometimes the church is ascribed blame, because ministers have often urged women to stay in relationships with men who abuse them. At least one Christian writer has actually said, "Women must obey bad husbands, including even those who abuse them."

People who study the history of wife abuse go back to a quotation from the 15th Century. A churchman, Friar Cherubino of Sienna, said,

I find this statement sickening. This is not the way of Christ. Anyone who says this kind of thing is not speaking like Paul who commanded husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and who commanded all of us to submit to one another. Yes, Jesus disciplines His church in a variety of ways, but never with beatings nor abuse. Beatings and abuse create a sense of worthlessness that Jesus never creates in anyone. Jesus gives us new dreams and an abundant life. Abuse gives nothing but a sense of despair and bitterness. That is what all the studies show, and we don’t need the studies––the results of beatings and abuse are self-evident.

I want to tell you that if you are in a relationship where physical violence is present, you should get out of that relationship. The violence is against the law, so call the police and get protection. Call Women’s Protective Services in Lubbock. There are a few stacks of pamphlets on the information booths. Please get one or more and take it home. If you know someone who is being subjected to domestic violence, pick up one of the leaflets and take it to that person.

The perpetrators of domestic violence can change, but until they do women and children need to keep from providing opportunity for the sinful behavior to take more profound control of that person. Studies are clear. Men who batter and abuse have deep problems that Jesus can solve; but, until those problems are solved, staying with such a man is simply providing him with the kindling that keeps the damning fire in his soul burning.

Now, there are people who claim that there are a lot of wives who physically abuse their husbands. When that happens, it is wrong too. But let me tell you that all the studies make very clear that the incidence of female partners physically abusing their male partners is infinitesimally small when compared to the number of male partners who do that. Each year, 3 to 4 million women are beaten by their husbands or partners. In fact, C. Everett Koop, the former Surgeon General of the U.S. says, "Battering is the single most common cause of injury to women in the U.S., more common than automobile accidents, muggings and rapes by strangers combined." The F.B.I. Uniform Crime Report tells us that "Of boys aged 11-20, 63% are serving time for homicide, for killing their mother’s abuser." Bowker, Arbitell and McFerron have done a study entitled "On the Relationship between Wife Beating and Child Abuse." They report that "Of men who batter women, 70% also batter the ren." To put it another way, "In families where woman battering occurs, the rate of child abuse or serious neglect is 1500 percent higher than the national average" (Sad is How You Feel when Mom is being Beat, May 1997).

And the dismal statistics go on and on, and the church cannot be silent. Our God is a God of deliverance; our Scripture reading made that very clear. His gospel is a gospel of deliverance. He can deliver the abused and the abuser. We proclaim that message, because it is a message from God. The apostle Paul tried to purify Judaism by violence against the disciples of Jesus; he bore much more lasting fruit when he adopted the kind of love that he describes in 1 Corinthians 13––a love that is patient and kind; "is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude"––a love that "does not insist on its own way" and "is not irritable or resentful" (1 Corinthians 13:4-5).

Please, if you are here and are struggling with abuse as either the abused or the abuser, be assured that the church of Jesus Christ wants to see your life transformed; we will love you. God wants you to be the channel of love that He designed you to be. Let His dream live. Don’t allow abuse to drag you into the darkness. Go toward the light. Go toward Jesus. If we can help you in anyway, please get in touch with us. Call me or some other staff member here at the office; talk to one of our shepherds, but seek help. God can deliver you. Please surrender you life to Him.

I began plans to preach this sermon several months ago. I think it was back in the Fall. But it was just last week that I came across a flyer that was designed for ministers. That flyer said something that added fuel to my passion for this sermon. It said, "Remember that it is likely that two-thirds of every audience has been victimized in some way and that 20 percent of most audiences have personally experienced some form of domestic violence." Please let us help.

We are going to sing an invitation song now. It is an invitation for us all, for us all to commit ourselves to the mutual love seen so vividly in Christ Jesus. If you need to come forward for any reason, please come now as we stand and sing.