Dr. Rodney Plunket

A man from Phoenix calls his son in New York, the day before Thanksgiving and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.”

“Pop, what are you talking about?” the son screams.

“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the father says.  “We’re sick of each other, and I’m sick of talking about this, so call your sister in Chicago and tell her.”

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.  “There is no way they’re getting divorced,” she shouts; “I’ll take care of this.”

She calls Phoenix immediately and screams at her father, “You are not getting divorced.  Don’t do a single thing until I get there.  I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow.  Until then, don’t do a thing.  DO YOUR HEAR ME?”  Then she hangs up.

The father hangs up his phone and turns to his wife.  “Okay,” he says, “They’re coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way.”

This anecdote is funny because it’s way too close to the truth.  Many today do not honor their father and their mother.  Many parents are indeed cut out of their children’s lives once they leave home.  I fear that many parents are tempted to trick their children in order to get them to pay a visit.

This morning we continue our series of lessons on the Ten Commandments with a study of the fifth commandment, the commandment that exhorts us to honor our fathers and our mothers.  Giving honor to parents was an extremely serious matter under Old Testament Law.  In Exodus (Ex) 21:15 we are told, “Whoever strikes father or mother shall be put to death.”  Two verses later, in Ex 21:17, we read, “Whoever curses father or mother shall be put to death,” and that command is repeated in Leviticus 20:9.  There we read, “All who curse father or mother shall be put to death; having cursed father or mother, their blood is upon them.”

And the importance of honoring parents is not only expressed in Old Testament Law.  One of the prophets, Micah, also indicates the importance of the honoring of one’s parents.  If you have your Bible, please turn to the Book of Micah and follow along as I read Micah 7:1-6.

Woe is me!  For I have become like one who,

     after the summer fruit has been gathered,

     after the vintage has been gleaned,

finds no cluster to eat;

     there is no first-ripe fig for which I hunger.

The faithful have disappeared from the land,

     and there is no one left who is upright;

they all lie in wait for blood,

     and they hunt each other with nets.

Their hands are skilled to do evil;

     the official and the judge ask for a bribe,

and the powerful dictate what they desire;

     thus they pervert justice.

The best of them is like a brier,

     the most upright of them a thorn hedge.

The day of their sentinels, of their punishment, has come;

     now their confusion is at hand.

Put no trust in a friend,

     have no confidence in a loved one;

guard the doors of your mouth

     from her who lies in your embrace;

for the son treats the father with contempt,

     the daughter rises up against her mother,

the daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law;

     your enemies are members of your own household.

Micah is clearly addressing the people of God at a time when evil and injustice were in charge.  Micah’s final indication of how bad things were is very revealing:

the son treats the father with contempt,

     the daughter rises up against her mother,

the daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law;

     your enemies are members of your own household

A passage that refers to a time when injustice is so totally in control that “there is no one left who is upright” (verse 2b), gives as a concluding proof the example of the enmity that exists between parents and their children.

And this concern with the honoring of parents is not just found in the Old Testament.  The apostle Paul, in Ephesians [Eph] 6:1-2 writes, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.  ‘Honor your father and mother’—this is the first commandment with a promise.”  And in Colossians [Col] 3:2 Paul exhorts his readers with these words, “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this is your acceptable duty in the Lord.”  Paul also does something very similar to what we read from the Book of Micah.  Paul indicts the sin of being “rebellious to parents” in a list of sinful behaviors in Romans 1:30, a list that also includes wickedness, covetousness, and murder.  And Paul indicts the sin of being “disobedient to parents” in a list of sinful behaviors in 2 Timothy 3:2, a list that also includes the unholy, the haters of good, and the treacherous.

So let’s realize the seriousness of this fifth commandment.  The Bible as a whole makes very clear that it is extremely important to God that children honor their parents.

This is a good place to make the point that the real intention of these “honor your father and mother” exhortations can go right by us if we are not careful.  In the ancient world these words would have applied as much if not more so to adult children than to younger children.  Some words of Jesus make that very clear.  Please turn to the Gospel of Mark and follow along as I read Mark [Mk] 7:6-13.  These comments from Jesus are directed at some Jews who are critical of Jesus.

He said to them, “Isaiah prophesied rightly about you hypocrites, as it is written,

     ‘This people honors me with their lips,

          but their hearts are far from me;

     in vain do they worship me,

          teaching human precepts as doctrines.’

You abandon the commandment of God and hold to human tradition."

Then he said to them, “You have a fine way of rejecting the commandment of God in order to keep your tradition!  For Moses said, ‘Honor your father and your mother’; and, ‘Whoever speaks evil of father or mother must surely die.’  But you say that if anyone tells father or mother, ‘Whatever support you might have had from me is Corban’ (that is, an offering to God)––then you no longer permit doing anything for a father or mother, thus making void the word of God through your tradition that you have handed on.  And you do many things like this.”

Clearly these words of indictment from Jesus are directed to adult children who are able to support their parents.  Jesus is angry because they have used what appears to have been a noble tradition of offering things to God as a way of avoiding a clear biblical mandate to honor their parents by supporting them in when they are unable to support themselves.

But even though this fifth commandment was likely more aimed at adult children, young children are not excluded from its force.  This commandment is directed to them as well.  God calls upon us all to honor our fathers and our mothers.

We must note, however, that the New Testament makes very clear that our responsibility to Jesus is higher than our responsibility to our parents.  A succinct statement in Matthew (Mt) 10:37 could not be clearer.  Jesus says, “Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me” (c.f., Mt 10:35; 12:46-50; 19:29; Mk 3:31-35; 10:29-31; Luke 2:48-49; 8:19-21; 14:26; 18:29).  Clearly children must be very slow and cautious in deciding that Jesus is calling them to separate from parents to follow God, but if that is clear then we know whom we love more.  It is Jesus.  We owe Him absolute allegiance because He is the Son of God, He died to save us and to unite us with God, and He has given us abundant life (John 10:10).

In our very first lesson in this series we noted that Ex 34:28 and Deuteronomy 4:13 indicate that the Ten Commandments are some sort of central or core summary of God’s entire covenant with Israel.  I sense that strongly in this commandment regarding the honoring of parents.  I believe that this commandment is not only to be obeyed relative to its explicit and plain meaning.  I believe it was also to remind Israel and us to exercise what I would call family loyalty.  There are two passages in the New Testament which seem to me to support such an understanding.

The first passage is Eph 5:22-6:4.  In the middle of that section we have the commandment to “honor your father and mother.”  Just prior to that commandment is an extensive discussion of the proper relationship between a husband and a wife with a strong emphasis on the need for the husband to love his wife.  Immediately after the “honor your father and mother” commandment we have an exhortation to fathers relative to the proper discipline of children.

The second passage is Col 3:18-21.  Here the command for children to “obey your parents in everything” is in the middle of a briefer discussion of the very same topics that are reviewed in Eph 5:22-6:4.

So I believe that the commandment to “honor your father and mother” is a central command relative to family loyalty and family well being, and I believe that command should remind us of the importance of family and our responsibilities to our families.  Yes, children should obey and honor their parents.  But parents should love their children.  When the angel told Zechariah that his elderly wife Elizabeth was going to have a baby, the angel also told Zechariah that the child would “turn the hearts of parents to their children” (Luke 1:17).  I think the fifth commandment can do that too; I think it can and should be used to “to turn the hearts of parents to their children” so that they love, train, and nurture those children in such a way that those children see the loving purposes of God.  Yes, children should honor their parents; but husbands and wives should also have loving and healthy relationships that are strong and reliable.

Yesterday morning at 3:00 Nina Grimsley died.  Nina was 91 years old.  She moved here to Lubbock from Syracuse, NY a few years ago.  She moved to live with her daughter, Joanne Thedford.  Nina was not in great health when she first moved here, so her attendance at services has been sporadic.  But she was a great lady with a great sense of humor, and Margaret and I had eaten with her several times.  We were especially fond of her apple pie made with New York apples that were sent to her by family members still living in the northeast.

The way Nina’s family loved and cared for her showed me the power of the fifth commandment.  They stayed in touch with her.  Her son who lives in Colorado came to see her and would often stay a couple of weeks.  Her son who still lives in New York State had her stay with him this past summer.  When she came back, she showed me the great pictures of her son’s place on a lake there.  She worked in his yard with the shrubs and flowers and had a great time.  And she saw lots of her extended family.  The family love was rich and warm.

And Joanne and Nina were such great friends.  It was always a joy to be in there home, because we spent so much time laughing.  For the last hour of Nina’s life, Joanne sat beside her hospital bed, held her hand, and talked to her.  Nina died in the embrace of family love and loyalty.  The fifth commandment blessed her life and blessed the life of her entire family.

Let’s take this fifth commandment and allow the Holy Spirit of God to use it to shape our families so that they show forth the love of God.  May God use our families to shine to God’s glory.

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